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I lost myself a long time ago.

I’m having one of those nights every night lately.

I’m having one of those nights every night lately.

I wish I had this courage

I wish I had this courage

I took this about a year ago, but I want to do it again.

Age: 20

Sex: Female

How long have you been cutting?: on and off for about 8 years

Where (place) do you cut? (school, home, etc.): Anywhere I find it necessary

Favorite tool? The last three years I have taken a liking to razors.

Do you have to hide your whole arm(s) (wrists,forearms,& upper arms etc)?

I have to hide by upper arms the most.

Do you have to wear long-sleeves & long-pants all the time?

No, the ones on my wrists always heel and fade nicely.

Do you cut on your stomach or chest? I have before.

Are your legs, arms, & other body parts covered in scars? My arms are covered in scars. Some are obvious, some you need to take a closer look.


What’s your favorite excuse to use when someone asks about a cut?
It’s not the cuts I worry about, I usually hide those well, but once they are scars I get a little scared. I freeze up and don’t even know what to say because it is so incredibly obvious.

Off the top of your head, about how many scars do you have? Oh man, many of them have faded but I know scars never actually go away so I would assume I have around 300/400+

Have you ever been hospitalized because of your cutting? Yes.

Do you have (diagnosed or not) depression and/or bipolar/bpd? Depression, Bipolar, Anxiety. My diagnosis is being reevaluated though because I was diagnosed when I was 15.

Who knows you cut? My parents, my friends, people who see the scars. Everyone knows I used to cut, no one knows I still do.

Have you ever been caught cutting? Not in the act.

Have your parents ever confronted you about a bloody sleeve, or towel? No, they have asked about a cut though.

Did you have a good childhood? I’m not sure sometimes. I spent most of it with a babysitter, my parents were never really around.

Why do you cut? Sometimes I do it out of spite to be honest. Sometimes even for attention. But I usually do it to stop myself from crying because crying hurts so much.

Have you ever talked to a therapist or counselor? Yes

Do you want to stop cutting, but can’t because of addiction? I don’t know for sure if I’m actually addicted because I feel like I choose to stop on my own and come back to it on my own. I do believe at one time I was addicted to it and now it’s gotten better.

How many times have you tried to complete suicide? never

Do you like cutting? I like how I feel afterward and I like bleeding, but I don’t like having to live in fear that someone will see the cuts.

What are your views on cutting, and other self-injury? It’s a cry for help. We need help.

Do you like watching films about self injury? It makes me feel like I’m not alone.

Do you like looking at pictures of self-injury? Sometimes I think I do in a sick way.

Do you sometimes envy other people? (non-self-injurers) Yes, they don’t have to hide their scars, they can wear everything, they don’t feel like I do, sometimes I wish I could be that way..

Have you ever taken any pictures of your cuts/scars? Yes

Have you ever done a school assignment on cutting, or self-injury? No. it would be too emotional for me.

What do you like to listen to while cutting? songs that remind me of how horrible this life is and how alone I am

Have you ever needed stitches from cutting? Yes

Do you dream about cutting? No

Would you rather have a boyfriend/girlfriend that is also a cutter?

No, I can barely deal with my emotions, I don’t want someone who needs me that much, I’m not strong enough for two people..

I have sort of been thinking about cutting myself with that new blade I got a few months ago. No one knows I’ve been hiding it in my room. I’m not ashamed of it. I miss the blood trickling down my wrists like it used to two years ago. It feels so right. But I know it’s so wrong.

I really like this tattoo…

I really like this tattoo…

2012 Survey

In 2012, did you…

Fall in love with someone that was just a friend?: No.

Lose any friends?: Quite a few

Make any new friends?: Yes, but not anyone super important yet.

Make any new enemies?: Sure did. Chris, Sarah, Taylor, Cory, Tanya

Do anything you regret?: OF COURSE. Especially SWAG.

Go to any parties?: Yeah not too many though…

Accomplish anything?: I accomplished the cleansing of my own thoughts, I’ve rid my life of poisonous people, I completed my junior recital, I am Slusher’s assistant.

Make much money?: I wish

Attend a wedding?: two.

Attend a funeral?: Yes, RIP BJ.

Get any new family members?: not that I know of

Get into a verbal fight?: sure did

Get into a physical fight?: Nope.

Attend any sporting events? nope

Get arrested?: Nope.

Wreck your car?:No

Make any big purchases?: My cell phone

Learn anything?: SO much.

Dump your bf/gf?: Yes

Get dumped by your bf/gf?: No

Develop any new health problems?: Something is wrong with my ear but we don’t know what it is…

Change as a person?: This has been one of the biggest years of changing myself that I have ever had…

Get any new piercings?: No, although I’ve been craving one.

Get any new tattoos?: Yes. I got “Hope” on my left wrist back in Feb.

Attend a concert?: no :(

Start to resent something or someone that you used to like?: lol, yes.

In 2012, how many…

Different places did you work?: 2 if you count my caregiving of my brother, and LU

Times did you go out drinking?: Only a few times.

Times did you smoke Marijuana?: zero

Drugs did you take?:none

Times did you go to the movies?: Barely

People did you make out with?: Uh a few…

People asked you out?: 5 or 6? I only went with 2.

Times did you get your ass kicked?: zero

Crushes did you have?: I’ve had probably like 4

In 2012, what was…

Your favorite day of the year?: I don’t know, if I had to pinpoint one I guess it would be my recital so Nov 18

Your favorite band?: Three Days Grace is always my fav.

Your least favorite day of the year?: The day I cut myself really deep, I forgot the date but I think it was Jan 25th…

Your favorite movie?: of 2012? Don’t know. I haven’t watched movies much this year.

Your favorite song of the year?: I really liked Wide Awake by Katy Perry, I loved Judas by Lady Gaga, One That Got Away by Katy Perry, Never Getting Back Together by TSwift

Something that didn’t change at all this year?: So much has changed that nothing feels the same.

Your favorite holiday?: Holidays sucked this year.

Misc. questions about 2012…

Were you in a hospital this year?: yes

Were you in an ambulance this year?: nope.

Did you make any big confessions in ‘12?: yes I came out as bisexual to everyone.

What’s the best thing to happen to you this year?: I stopped taking meds, and I made changes.

Did you vote this year?:yes!!

Did you bring sexy back this year?: haha I wish

Was 2012 a great year, an average year or a bad year?: Basically it sucked pretty bad. Nothing huge happened this year, nothing extremely life changing, it was less than average and borderline sucked ass.

Gotten a new piercing. 
Dyed my hair. 
Ended a relationship.
Started a new relationship.
Been on a long car/bus journey.
Passed an exam. 
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.
Cried on someone’s shoulder.
Had a massive fight with a boy/girl.
Received flowers.
Had a Valentine.
Written a letter using pen & paper.
Gone to see a therapist.
Been prescribed medication by a doctor.
Read a really good book.
Gone to the zoo.
Spent too much money on unnecessary things.
Travelled by train.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Spent the day out in the sun getting a tan 
Slammed a door out of frustration.
Had an anxiety attack. 
Babysat for a friend’s child.
Had a BBQ
Gone bowling.
Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.
Gone on a date.
Been the only sober one on a night out.
Helped someone home after they had been drinking.
Stayed up all night.
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
Supported someone who’d received bad news.
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
Bought a DVD the day it was released.
Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
Met some incredible new people.
Gone to great parties.
Fallen backwards off a chair.
Broken my glasses.
Worn a watch for the first time in years.
Cried over someone in my past.
Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.
Thrown up.
Cried over a film.
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boy/girlfriend.
Fought with someone in public.
Been in a relationship for a year or longer. 
Cried in front of someone I adore.
Lost one of my closest friends.